Book Review by Dr. Sally Gelardin

When I was growing up, I did not know how to resolve conflicts in a satisfying way.  I did not learn how to deal with conflicts until I married and had a family.  As conflicts arose, it was either confront conflict or the marriage would not last. Childrearing also required conflict resolution and setting a good example for the children on how to reach resolution. A disastrous separation of my husband from his former business partners affected the family so deeply that we made it our business to learn conflict resolution skills to improve our personal and work lives.

Deirdre Coombs, organizational consultant and author of The Way of Conflict, advocates the win-win approach to resolving disputes. With that solution, both adversaries win. We are living in a world in turmoil that affects every level of society, resulting in conflicts between employers and employees, among family members,  and between and within countries. A win-win approach is the only answer.  Without this approach, nations are capable of obliterating each other and internal strife causes havoc.

How do conflicting individuals or groups reach agreement?  The author outlines four stages: (1) the appearance of conflict, (2) the absence of hope, (3) the occurrence of creativity, and (4) the emergence of stability. The way to resolve conflicts, the author asserts, is “to stay out of fear.” To stay out of fear, Combs designed a conflict resolution game based on four elements:  fire, water, air, and earth.  According to the author, to reach a creative solution to a conflict, it can be helpful to understand the personality type of one’s opponent.

The concept of reaching resolution by understanding one’s opponent is not new.  However, the solution of appealing to one’s opponent’s personality type based on four natural elements is new, at least for Western culture, which tends to be analytical and technical, rather than sensitive to nature and emotions.  As our physical environment comes front and center in our minds, and as failed relationships motivate us to seek new solutions, it makes sense to turn to the natural elements.

Deirdre Coombs’ natural elements model of resolving conflict is a refreshing antidote.  Bringing natural elements into the workplace and at home can transform conflicts into win-win solutions. I wish I had followed Coombs’ game sooner, but better late than never!